


Ojos Así

by PunishedPyotr



Series: The Esteemed aireyv Crashes Rarepair Week [1]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Epic Bromance, M/M, Octopus had a vaginoplasty I'm consistent on this front, Penis In Vagina Sex, Raven tries to be romantic, Size Kink, not a woke fic don't @ me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 05:55:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14635470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunishedPyotr/pseuds/PunishedPyotr
Summary: “Hey. What’s the difference between a man with a pussy and a woman with narrow hips, a flat chest, and a deep voice?”“I don’t like where this conversation is going.”





	Ojos Así

**Author's Note:**

> yeah I did name the fic after a Shakira song my girlfriend suggested it
> 
> Anyway, I'm """"participating"""" in rarepair week this year but I'm ignoring all the prompts :^) but there'll be a brand new (short) fic out every day this week, each featuring a ~~crackship~~ rarepair, most of which I haven't written before, some of which have _never_ been written before. Anyway, here we go!

To be frank, one of Octopus’ most cherished hobbies was answering the question, “How do you manage to pull off a disguise as a woman in situations where you might have to sleep with someone to maintain your cover?” To which Octopus would cheerfully reply, “I got a vaginoplasty back in ’89,” possibly with “Wanna see?” tacked onto the end if he wasn’t speaking to a superior and/or someone who would report him for sexual harassment over that comment. He would then catalogue and rank the ensuing reaction.

Worst was either Colonel Campbell or Revolver Ocelot; the former had insisted on acting as though he had not heard and had not even asked, while the latter didn’t seem to find that remotely out of the ordinary. Most entertaining was probably Liquid Snake - he’d gotten flustered and stalked off, muttering “I shouldn’t have even asked that, _why_ did I ask that” but after three or four hours came back and asked to see it because the thought of Decoy Octopus’ vagina got stuck in his head and he thought maybe coming face to face with it would get rid of it. (As far as Octopus knew, it didn’t. Also, Liquid got flustered and left again when Octopus said he could touch it if he wanted to.)

The one person who _didn’t_ hear about Octopus’ vagoo via asking about female disguises was Vulcan Raven. And he didn’t hear about it through the grapevine, either. Nor because he noticed and made comment of Octopus’ special moisturizing cream (since it wasn’t a natural vagina, it could get unpleasantly dry unfortunately fast). No, Octopus had straight up told him about it. Why?

Because Raven was hot as hell and also Octopus’ best friend and Octopus figured if _that_ wasn’t a winning combination to get some fuckin’ on, then what was?

“I am straight,” Raven said flatly.

“Yeah, I know. But—“

“You are a man. It just wouldn’t work.”

“Sure it would! A concha’s a concha, right?”

Raven gave him a blank look.

“…look,” Octopus said, putting a hand on his shoulder (having to reach up rather significantly in order to do so), “I really don’t have to _be_ a man for this. I could strap on some fake tits, put on a nice voice, a little makeup—“

“I would still be aware that it’s _you_. And you are still a man, despite your… parts.”

“Hey. What’s the difference between a man with a pussy and a woman with narrow hips, a flat chest, and a deep voice?”

“I don’t like where this conversation is going.”

Octopus rolled his eyes. Fine. He’d find another way to get it.

Since casually proposing sex didn’t work, what Octopus clearly needed to do was just straight-up seduce the man. He had a number of options here. He could do it like Wolf did it and just be aggressive, but he knew that wouldn’t work since Wolf herself had already tried it unsuccessfully on Raven. And of course the Liquid Snake method wouldn’t work, that wasn’t even a method - that was just Liquid being handsome and dumb enough that he could bag people without realizing they were going to have sex with him until he was already bent over the couch. Octopus didn’t like to think about how Ocelot or Mantis “seduced” people, either, and Raven probably wouldn’t be receptive to that nonsense anyway.

What Octopus ended up hitting upon was romantic shit like a nice “home”-cooked dinner alone, candles, babymaking music, lots and lots of wine. Octopus drew the line at flowers. Raven probably would have fed them to his birds anyway. (Did ravens eat flowers?)

“Why are you so insistent about this?” Raven said over dinner.

Octopus shrugged. “I just think it’d be nice.”

That wasn’t the whole truth. The whole truth was that Raven had a big dick.

With so few people in FOXHOUND, showers didn’t usually overlap (and Wolf got a shower to herself since they were sex-segregated, though Liquid often fled to it when arguments over his prissy expensive hair conditioner broke out), but that wasn’t to say they didn’t. Octopus had seen Raven in the shower, or just exiting or going into the shower, on a handful of occasions. And Raven wasn’t like Mantis and didn’t frantically cover himself if someone walked in on him. So yes, Octopus had seen Raven’s dick. And had proceeded to get totally stuck on the thought of what that monster would feel like inside of him.

Of course, when Raven, somewhat skeptically, consented to Octopus taking him to bed (perhaps doing so because the wine made him feel a tad… _experimental_ ), Octopus got to see that cock up close and personal. It was, as stated, big. But then, Raven was a big guy, so even if it could probably be used as the mold for an XL dildo, it was still proportional to the rest of Raven’s body and therefore looked pretty normal, so Octopus wasn’t worried that it’d be _too large_ for his relatively inflexible surgical vag.

What Octopus had forgotten to account for was that penises get bigger when they’re hard.

“Are you alright?” Raven asked Octopus, who was still straddling his lap but was staring at his crotch with very wide eyes.

“Uh, yeah,” Octopus said, his mouth dry. “It’s just… Jesus, that thing’s the size of my fucking forearm.”

“…”

For a moment Octopus thought maybe it’d be a better idea to just forget the vagina and take it up the ass - since that would be way easier to stretch to accommodate, and all. But no. No. He wanted it this way and besides, this was already pushing the boundaries of Raven’s sexuality, right? Anal would just be taking it too far. Making it too gay. Because they were somehow pretending that sex between two men was not already pretty damn gay.

“You do have lube, don’t you?” Raven said.

“Wh- what…?” Had Raven been thinking along the same lines?

“I, ah, assumed your body would not produce its own…”

Oh. Right. Octopus jerked his head towards the bedside table. “Right over there. But maybe we shouldn’t, aha, jump right into this? I’ll need a bit to… to get ready…” Despite himself he bucked his hips up against Raven’s baseball bat of an erection. “It’s not as easy for me to… stretch… so, y’know, just as a way to finish up foreplay…?”

“I understand,” Raven said, grabbing the bottle of lube that was already sitting on the bedside table. There were condoms, too, but Octopus was doubting they were the right size at this point, and knew better than to assume an ill-fitting condom was any better than none (since it’d break anyway).

Octopus watched gratefully as Raven slicked his fingers, maybe a bit _too_ generously but it was sweet that he was apparently worried about hurting him. Even with Raven sitting on the bed and Octopus sitting on his lap, the height gap between them was still enough that Octopus couldn’t wrap his arms around Raven’s neck to steady himself as he raised himself just enough to let Raven slip a finger into his vag - well, rubbing him first, but Octopus got impatient about the whole penetration deal and shifted himself forward, grunting — Octopus had to cling to his giant chest. Rather like his namesake. Cute.

And oh wow why didn’t he stop to think that even Raven’s _fingers_ were really, really thick. At least it must have occured to Raven, since he started with just one…

“You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” Octopus said, squirming.

“…not recently, no.”

“But— in general? C’mon, when was the last-“

“Back in college.”

“ _Whew_.” Whoever that bitch was, she was lucky. “Okay, how about another finger, buddy? I can take it.” Surely the wavering in his voice as he said that proved it.

Raven gave him a dubious look, but obliged. Octopus was pretty sure two of Raven’s fingers were about the size of an average penis. Octopus was pretty sure he was going to fucking _die_ when/if he managed to cram Raven’s penis in his snatch.

Approximately ten or fifteen minutes later Octopus, with some shameless begging, managed to convince Raven he was totally ready to take his cock. Even then, despite the “Please please pleeeease” refrain from Octopus, Raven was a bit hesitant — fortunately they weren’t doing this missionary and Octopus wasn’t trapped under his massive weight, so he was free to just lift himself up and sit himself down right on top of that thang.

‘Down’ was not much of an operative word. ‘Sit’ moreso. Octopus’ weight alone wasn’t enough push it up into his struggling hole. And it stung like a bitch for the moment, like a good kick in the nads except without the nads or the kicking. Octopus winced, shifting his hips from side to side.

“Are you alright?” Raven asked again, putting his hands around Octopus’ waist.

“I’m good!” Octopus burst out, his voice unintentionally high and squeaky. No way he was going to let Raven talk him out of this after all the effort _he’d_ spent talking _him_ _into_ this.

After a great deal of painful finagling and Raven asking several more times if Octopus was sure he wanted to do this, Octopus finally managed to work his way down past the glans. He still had that nice thick shaft to go but getting the head in him felt like victory and he didn’t realized he had moaned like a whore until he realized Raven was staring at him.

“Uh… give me a minute,” Octopus said breathlessly, a little sheepish. He felt stretched to his limit right now and genuinely did need a moment or two to adjust - felt like he was carrying a bowling ball between his nether lips — at least he wasn’t so tasteless to think this must be what giving birth was like, except in reverse.

Raven leaning in to kiss him came as a bit of a surprise but Octopus let it happen.

This was the same guy who had to be wined and dined before he’d agree to sleep with him, let the big sap be romantic… anyway, surely it counted as some kind of romance that Octopus had ended up pushing down on Raven’s hands, which had migrated to his hips, to encourage the big guy to just drag Octopus right down his cock. Using him like a breathing fleshlight was too much to ask for, Octopus knew it’d be hot but also knew he’d seriously tear something like that. As it stood he was kinda losing all control and sensation in his entire body and mind except for _big big big full stuffed fuuuuuuullll_. He was pretty sure he was drooling.

“F-Fuck, Raven…”

“…are you sure you are al-“

“Yes, I’m alright! Oh my god stop asking, I’m good, I’m grea-a-aaah _god!_ ”

With one final slip, Octopus had managed to take it more or less all the way, touching the insides of his thighs to Raven’s hips, and by gum it felt like the head of that glorious cock was scraping at the bottom of his lungs. Octopus looked down. He could literally see a bulge in his stomach from it. Like some kind of freaky chest-burster, except lower and sexier.

Also, it’d taken him this long just to get it _in_ , how the hell was he going to handle getting fucked?

“I’m gonna di~e,” he whispered to himself.

“If this is too much for you,” Raven started but Octopus cut him off.

“No. This is fine.” It was supposed to sound firm and confident, but it came out more of a hysterical whine. “C’mon, fuck me.”

“…”

“Come on!” He bounced a little, and immediately feared he was going to rupture something. His momentary panic must have shown on his face, because Raven’s grip on his hips tightened comfortingly. Octopus laughed, a little off-kilter. _Nothing ventured, nothing gained_ , he figured, carefully sliding himself a little up, then back down, then up again until he kinda got used to it, and—

What followed could be succinctly described as ‘The ride of Decoy Octopus’ life’. And yeah, Octopus did die. Straight up. Or rather, he ascended to another fucking plane of existence.

Somewhere along the line he ended up, instead of in Raven’s lap, on his back on the bed, caged by Raven’s huge, strong limbs. In this position Raven’s cock went a bit deeper (holy fuck), but Octopus was pretty sure Raven had tipped them over like this so he could have more control over the speed and strength of the thrusts — he went all slow and gentle; Octopus at this point couldn’t remember how hard he’d tried to ride him when he was across his lap, Octopus at this point couldn’t remember his own damn name.

“You are… tight…” Raven grunted in his ear.

“Aaaauauauuuh,” was probably the only way to transcribe Octopus’ unintelligible moan in response.

Coherent thought had ceased. Octopus’ brain was rewarding him with a ton of endorphins for pushing his body to its limits like this. Either he had a zillion separate orgasms all in a row or else he just had one but it was so intense that it retroactively made the whole experience feel like a continuous climax.

Also, Octopus would have stereotyped someone of Raven’s god-like length and girth to shoot a literal gallon of hot, virile seed when he climaxed — since he was so thoroughly wrecked by the time that came, Octopus had no way of knowing that wasn’t true, so he just assumed it was, and some very distant part of his mind idly wondered how many times he’d have to douche to get all the sticky out.

Raven pulled out with an audible sucking pop; Octopus groaned. He was _gaping_. He totally wouldn’t have to do his dilation this week - maybe next week, too. Or ever again. He could barely lift his head to try to look down at his crotch. Of course he couldn’t really see anything but damn if it looked even _half_ as thoroughly fucked as he _felt_ , then surely it was a world record.

“How was that?” Raven said, somewhat awkwardly.

Octopus put a hand on his broad chest. “I’m dying,” he slurred.

“That bad?”

“God. I think I’m in love.”

“Hm…” Raven laid down next to Octopus. Ah. Octopus should’ve seen that one coming, of course the big lunk would be the type to cuddle after sex. God knew his foreplay involved enough caressing to tide Octopus over for a lifetime; this was that basically, but with more respect to how exhausted and oversensitive Octopus was now.

He didn’t have the heart (or energy) to complain about the weight of Raven’s arms around him or the uncomfortable radiating body heat. Oh well. Honestly, it wasn’t so bad. Not really Octopus’ thing, but he could tolerate it.

Decoy Octopus fell asleep in Vulcan Raven’s arms, and the next morning he woke up sore as hell and twice as satisfied.


End file.
